03 May What are boundaries and how do you set them to improve your life?
Boundaries provide a necessary foundation for every single relationship you have, especially the one you have with yourself. When you are constantly trying to meet everyone else’s needs you ultimately neglect your own; therefore boundaries are essential for your overall wellness. They set clear limits and protect you from what feels inappropriate, unacceptable, or just not desired. We also get rid of resentment when we set these boundaries.
Unfortunately most of you do not know how to say NO. And when you do say no, you feel guilt and shame, and feel the need to over explain. You think if you please others they will shower you with approval. But the reality is, when you say NO you assert your own value.
Boundaries are not about the other person, it’s about you.
When you learn to say no, you are saying yes to yourself and your loved ones.
Examine where in your life you need boundaries. Do you feel depleted after visiting a certain family member or friend? Do feel obligated to stay connected with certain people but you dread the time you spend together? Do you feel uncomfortable around certain people? Notice how you feel after surrounding yourself with friends and family. It’s time to reclaim your own energy. Ask yourself what will make you happy, feel safer and more energized.
Here are a few phrases you can say when establishing boundaries:
“I wish I could but now isn’t a good time.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“Thank you for the offer/invitation but that isn’t something I can do right now.”
“I will have to get back to you on that.”
The more you practice the better you’ll get. The discomfort you’ll face while setting boundaries will save you years of anger and resentment.